Starting School: Settling in

Starting school often represents a big change in family life.

For some it means reduced flexibility, particularly due to drop off and pick up times, while for others it means parents can explore other things like work while their child is at school. Either way, it's a big adjustment, especially if it's your first child starting this journey.

For parents there can be mixed feelings, from the joy of some freedom 5 days a week and celebrating this important milestone, all the way through to worrying if they will be ok and sadness because you miss them and they are growing up so fast.

Looking after yourself is really important because you want to be able to support them and bring a really positive approach to starting school.

In my experience, things that can help are:

• Accepting your mixed feelings and allowing them to just be present in the background while you continue doing things that bring you joy.
• Talk to other parents, you'll probably find you share many of the same emotions. Some of them may have done this all before and can share some valuable insights. Catching up for a walk and coffee after drop off is a great way to build social connections and feel supported.
• The first few days can be really hard, especially if they haven't spent much time away from you before or are upset at drop off. Instead of spending the day worrying about them, try to keep busy whether at work or doing something you enjoy.
• If the school offers online platforms for sharing photos and messages, then make sure you have that set up in case the teacher shares some highlights throughout the day.

For children, the transition can bring a wide range of emotions as well. There's sure to be excitement, anxiety, curiosity and absolute exhaustion. It's very normal for parents to see some changes in their behaviour during the first few weeks of school. They use up so much energy focusing and learning during the school day and you might find that these tired little minds can be a bit snappier, more prone to tantrums and more sensitive when they are at home.

Things will improve in time but there are also some wonderful ways that you can support them during this transition too, like:

• Set a routine to be on time. Rushing with them in the morning or being late to pick them up could make them feel more anxious and emotional.
• Focus on more than just the drop off. When they are worried about separating from you, it's helpful to think of something distracting that will happen around the same time, like seeing their friends, playing in the school yard to seeing what activities the teacher has set out for the day.
• Prepare snacks. They are usually hungry after school both because it's been a while since lunch and because they've relaxed a bit which has reminded them of their appetite. Having a range of healthy options is advisable and don’t forget fluids, especially during the warmer months.
• Expect them to be tired, so avoid over-scheduling after school activities and play dates. Getting enough sleep is also important and this is where a homework, dinner, bath, bed routine really pays off. As I said before, this tiredness can mean some deterioration in home behaviour and while it's reasonable to still have clear boundaries, a little bit of flexibility and understanding goes a long way.
• Let them be in control of the after school debrief. Sometimes they'll want to tell you a never ending story about their day, other times you won't get much at all.
• Avoid setting too many expectations. The first few weeks are not so much about academic progress, but more about learning to be in a classroom environment and developing social skills and independence. All we want is for them to settle in and build a positive attitude to school.
• Trust you instincts. If you think your child is struggling to settle in or having issues with their peers, speak to their teacher early. More often you will find reassurance but if there are genuine issues then early intervention is key.

I hope my suggestions help and if you have any concerns about how either of you are managing the start to school, please come and see me.